Rockstar

These past two months have been super crazy. I made a decision that changed me and my whole world. I know it sounds crazy but when I was at my old job, I just felt trapped. When I first started there I loved it and things were great. After a little while I just started hating everything I was doing, I took out my anger and depression out on my friend/co-workers. I would get upset over the littlest of things. So I made a choice that I probably should have done a long time ago, I asked myself what I wanted. I asked what is best for Nicole, not Tom, not Jackson. I felt selfish but I needed to be happy with what I did and have confidence in myself because I sure didn't where I was at. So in February I applied to D, I used to work at D, I know how they operate. I liked the structure I had at D and the feeling that they want me to improve.  

I got the job offer and started on March 11th. When I got there I felt like I had a good background in student loans and I knew what I was talking about. I had a confidence that I haven't felt in a long time. D has a great system for grading your calls, it makes me feel empowered when I am doing better than someone else in my call scores. You can get a score of 2 up to 6, which is great. My first month out of training I got a 6 on one of my calls. I was so happy! I never had a 6 score before, I struggled before with my scores. But now I am doing great. My coach even nominated it for Rockstar. Which is a big deal to me, I have to admit when I first started at D back in 2011 a good friend of mine PS got Ultimate Rockstar, and I was super jealous. I thought I could never reach that level of greatness. I think when I was working there in 2011 I didn't do well because I had a lot going on in my personal life. I found out I was pregnant at D and during my pregnancy I was super sick all the time. Plus I was really stressed out. There was some tension in my family and I just wanted people to be happy for me because I was happy. Any whooo I am rambling.... 

So tomorrow is Rockstar luncheon, I get to wear my awesome Rockstar purple shirt and that is where they'll announce who gets Ultimate Rockstar and Department Rockstar. Now I am a little nervous because I am really just honored to even be apart of that group. I would like to get chosen for either one of those but if I don't I am okay that. I am so happy that I really like where I am working, I like how things are in my life at this moment. 

1/1/2013

2012 was a year full of ups and downs for me. I got married to my best friend, started a wonderful job and Jackson turned 1 year old. I also lost my best friend, my "baby", Kodie. I miss him so much. I know 2013 will be a year of new adventures. We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.

I have a few New Year resolutions: become debt free, lose some more weight, do my first half marathon, and make sure to take care of myself (inside and out). I know this year will be a great one. I know there will be speed bumps along the way but I have a great husband, son and family for support. Can't wait to see where this year will take us and what surprises it will bring.

Depression

I have been struggling with depression for about 5 years now. Some days I have a hard time justgetting out of bed (which is no good when you are a mom) and I get really upset over small issues. I realized something the other day, before my depression I got up in the morning and did my hair, makeup. Now I don't really take that time to take care of myself, I have noticed in the last two months that I really haven't taken the time to take care of Nicole. I am setting up a couple of goals for the new year to hopefully prevent my depression from coming more often than not.

1. Get up early enough in the morning to do my hair and put makeup on.

2. Start exercising again.

3. Eat healthier, take the time to make healthy choices.

I know I am going to have my bad days but hopefully by taking better care of myself those days will farther and farther apart.

Snuggles with my Baby

I had a weekend of sadness. I read, like so many of us did, a lot about the shooting in Connecticut. I am so sad about the loss of so many individuals, many of them children. My first thoughts are directed toward my own child, Jackson. How can I protect him from all the evils of the world? How can I make sure he is always safe? I guess that answer is going to be, you can't. I can't always be there to protect him and make sure he is taken care of. I do my best to be a good mother. I get him up everyday, I try to snuggle with him in our bed for at least a few minutes before starting my day. It helps me cleanse and recharge myself for another day to get some time alone with him each day. I make sure he is fed everyday, if he gets sick I make sure he gets the proper medical attention, if needed. I make sure he gets a bath and is read to every night, both Tom and I do.

This morning we snuggled with his head on my shoulder, I laid there and hoped that moment would never end. He is getting so big, so fast, he is 14 months old now. It feels like yesterday it was Columbus Day 2011 and I was giving birth to a beautiful little boy. He has this radiant smile that lights up a room. My Grandma Neal said he is such a sweet boy and doesn't know how I got such a sweet thing.



I feel sad that many parents are going to be laying their children to rest this week. I hope this is something I never have to do. I know they are hoping they did have to. This world is full of some evil people but we have to remember that there are a lot of good people as well. I know that I can't stop everything that may hurt my son but I will sure try to. That is what parents are supposed to do.

Collection of Thoughts

When we have an experience that we find painful or difficult, and are either unable to cope with the pain, or just afraid of it, we often dismiss this emotion and either get busy by exercising more, drinking or eating a bit more, or just pretend it hasn't happened. When we do this we don't feel the emotion and this results in what is called repressed, suppressed or buried emotions. These emotions remain buried within us until we release it by bringing the emotion up and feeling it. Keeping emotions repressed and buried for a long period of time can cause fatigue and depression. Commit today to become emotionally healthy by learning about your emotional self and do whatever it takes to release buried emotions. Be prepared, this is often an uncomfortable and difficult journey when you begin, but I promise, once you’ve gotten over the first few hurdles, it's worth the effort :)

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In life you will face lot of challenges and uphill battles that will try to stop you from achieving your dreams. Difficulties will arise that will make you stumble but don't let those difficulties make you crumble. Just be strong. Trials will knock you down but you can choose to get back up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.   --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Perseverance

Perseverance ~ steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
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Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God’s laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Second Counselor in the First Presidency
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Sometimes I wish I didn't have to persevere through the tough times, I wish I could crumble to the ground and cry. Some days are hard and long, you think no one is listening to your fears (even if they are insignificant). I have my days where I just can't handle one more thing going wrong or one more person being unkind. Last night I went to Smith's and the person at the pharmacy was being very snarky to me about my last name change and then I had a coupon, which I gave to her after she checked me out (standard procedure when using coupons at grocery stores), then she said to me "That would have been helpful in the beginning," I just let her finish checking me out and I didn't say anything else because I just didn't want to be "that" customer. Maybe she had a long day, maybe there person before me was rude to her and she was letting off steam. We are all humans and make mistakes, say things we don't really mean or maybe take what was said the wrong way.

We have to remember that everyone is going through struggles and hard times. Big and small ones, some that may not be important to you but they are important to someone else. I have dealt with a lot of hard things in my life. I would not change anything that has happened because those challenges, and my ability to persevere through them, they have made me the woman I am today. I don't think I could be the best mother and wife that I could be without going through those tough times. I know that I could have said something snarky back to the lady at Smith's but I just don't think it is necessary. Our world has become so comsumed with hate, impatience, selfishness, pride and jealousy. But there are wonderful things about our world as well, I don't want to focus on the negative.

'Til next time!

Bucket List

Does anyone have a bucket list? What kinds of things do you have on there? I ask because I am wanting to write somethings down that I would like to do before I die. I would like to have a 2nd child, I would like to own a house, I would like to be debt free, I would like to visit Perth, Australia where my Grandpa Neal grew up. There is a lot more too. I have thought about writing it all down. But I never seem to get around to it. I am going to try and put my list on my blog.

Would you put something on your bucket list that you thought you might never be able to do just so you have a goal for the future? I am talking about something that you are afraid of doing or maybe something that you thought you might never be able to afford.

Something to think about.

'til next time.