Cancer Sucks

I was thinking about our struggle 13 

years ago. My Dad was diagnosed with

 leukemia in October of 1999,

he was given a 10% chance to live. I couldn't

 imagine my life without my Daddy. I

 know we are so blessed to have him

 with us today. Because of my Uncle

 Kerry donating bone marrow to his twin

 brother, my dad was able to see me

 get married, walk me down the aisle,

,

 dance with me and be at the hospital

 when Jackson was born. I love you

 Daddy more than you will ever know.

Kodiak Bear

We had a funeral for Kodie and buried him up at our family cabin. This is what I said as my father and brother placed dirt over his small homemade casket.

He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea. He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is joy unbounded. When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am only another woman. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant. His head on my knee can heal my hurt. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me... whenever... wherever - in case I need him. And I expect I will - as I always have.

He wasn't just my dog, we was my best friend, my first baby and my companion for the last 6 years. I will always miss you Kodie and you will always be remembered.

I love you, my baby, Kodie!

Rockstar

These past two months have been super crazy. I made a decision that changed me and my whole world. I know it sounds crazy but when I was at my old job, I just felt trapped. When I first started there I loved it and things were great. After a little while I just started hating everything I was doing, I took out my anger and depression out on my friend/co-workers. I would get upset over the littlest of things. So I made a choice that I probably should have done a long time ago, I asked myself what I wanted. I asked what is best for Nicole, not Tom, not Jackson. I felt selfish but I needed to be happy with what I did and have confidence in myself because I sure didn't where I was at. So in February I applied to D, I used to work at D, I know how they operate. I liked the structure I had at D and the feeling that they want me to improve.  

I got the job offer and started on March 11th. When I got there I felt like I had a good background in student loans and I knew what I was talking about. I had a confidence that I haven't felt in a long time. D has a great system for grading your calls, it makes me feel empowered when I am doing better than someone else in my call scores. You can get a score of 2 up to 6, which is great. My first month out of training I got a 6 on one of my calls. I was so happy! I never had a 6 score before, I struggled before with my scores. But now I am doing great. My coach even nominated it for Rockstar. Which is a big deal to me, I have to admit when I first started at D back in 2011 a good friend of mine PS got Ultimate Rockstar, and I was super jealous. I thought I could never reach that level of greatness. I think when I was working there in 2011 I didn't do well because I had a lot going on in my personal life. I found out I was pregnant at D and during my pregnancy I was super sick all the time. Plus I was really stressed out. There was some tension in my family and I just wanted people to be happy for me because I was happy. Any whooo I am rambling.... 

So tomorrow is Rockstar luncheon, I get to wear my awesome Rockstar purple shirt and that is where they'll announce who gets Ultimate Rockstar and Department Rockstar. Now I am a little nervous because I am really just honored to even be apart of that group. I would like to get chosen for either one of those but if I don't I am okay that. I am so happy that I really like where I am working, I like how things are in my life at this moment.