Recent Life

I have had a lot of time to myself this last week and I have been doing a lot of writing. So many things are going on and I have needed this time to myself, to work on me. I know that sounds a bit strange. I was dating a man last year who didn't treat me right at all. He always torn me down and found a way to make me feel like no one else would ever want me. Then he told me he had a new girlfriend and it was someone who I considered one of my best friends. I work with both of them and have to see them together everyday, which did hurt. I have now decided I never want to feel like that ever again. I never want to be treated like I don't matter by a guy. I am a great person I don't care what anyone else says. If a guy doesn't want to be with me or someone doesn't want to be my friend then that is their problem. I cannot make everyone else happy, I have to make Nicole happy. It is really my choice to be happy or unhappy, so why don't I choose to be happy. I have been looking for happiness in all the wrong places in the past.

Recently things were looking up I met a man who made me feel like I was so special and he made me so happy. I went into this funk at the end of May and I started doubting myself again. I told him I just wanted to be friends and now he says that we could never go back to the way things were before. I thought I wanted things to go back to the way there once were. But I can't go back things are now different. He saw me at my worst. And I don't think he will ever think of me as the same person. I am not the same person. I don't want to be that girl anymore. He also said he didn't want to have a relationship right now. He is an amazing man who I think any girl would be lucky enough to be with. And if he doesn't want a relationship right now I need to respect that because in all reality I don't want a relationship right now. But for him to say we could never have a relationship in the future to me seems selfish, I was hurting and I was wanting to hurt myself. I still hadn't dealt with the past, for me to move on to the present and the future. I told him I had feelings for him but maybe he just doesn't feel the same way. Like the saying goes "If you love someone let them go. If they come back, they are yours forever. If they don't, they were never really yours to begin with" I am letting him go. I want him to know that I can't live on what could have been. Because we are in two different places in our lives and the timing is bad. Thank you for what you did for me and thank you for the time we shared.

-"Love is not only about knowing you love and care about a person so much that you know you'd be willing to do anything for them, but it's also about knowing how and being able to let go. And by doing so, allowing that person to be happy even if it's not with you and accepting the fact that to them, you're just not the one"

I want to start doing things that are more active and healthy. My mom gave me a challenge to lose weight and she will buy me $200 of new clothes when I lose the weight. I am going to say it right now I am 245 pounds and I don't want to be that heavy. I decided I am going to go on a diet and loose 70 lbs. I know it will be hard but I can do it.

Well that is all I have to say right now. I will post more stuff. Love you guys and take care.