It's My Life (*Explict* Just to Warn You)

I felt a sense of uneasiness. I felt a pain in my heart. A wrenching terrifying pain, like nothing I had ever felt in my life. I looked up and smiled, though. Smile, Smile, Smile. I wasn't allowed to do anything else.

They all look up to me. I can't figure it out. I don't have it all. I don't have what they want. They look at me and they see everything but I'm nothing.

Sometimes I just don't get people. They pretend like I have it all and they look at me with envy and with spite. And what for? For jealousy? You have to be fucking kidding me. What is there to be jealous of? My brown hair and my deep green eyes? Eyes full of sorrow? I don't think so.

I am a slave to myself. I can't control my life. I can't control my mind. I can't even control my breathing. I feel like I have to be told to do everything. I've always had someone breathing down my back about what I should be doing. And why? Because I'm their prize; I'm their fucking life.

Well, what happens if I walk away? What would you do then? You'd cry for me, you'd look at me with pity. You'd pretend you card just so that I would live again to suit you. But you don't care. all you want is your money and what ever other types of pleasures it brings you, that you are a part of me. Does it make you feel all warm inside when they mention my name and you can pretend you know something about me? Well, let me tell you something. You don't know a fucking thing about me. I don't even know myself. I don't have the time to learn who I am because I'm constantly trying to be who you what me to be. So how can you pretend to know me, when you won't let me be who I am?

Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am. I look in the mirror, I can't recognize my own face. I don't know the voice, I hear when I speak. But the words aren't mine anyway. Their preplanned words so I don't slip and say something you don't want me to.

I guess this is who I am now I'm just a face. I don't have a mind, a life, a heart or a soul. I'm just a face for you... I am nothing at all. So why don't you stab that knife a little deeper because I am already dead.